Why the fuck do I do this to myself
Too dangerous to be alone with your thoughts
You have no idea what you’re talking about.
I can’t even begin to explain and apologize for anything. You did nothing to deserve this. I don’t deserve you, you are way too good to me, way to good for me. I know you’d never do anything to hurt me, and I’m so sorry for freaking out and crying like that for no reason. I have no idea why any of that happened, and I am so fucking sorry for this. If there’s one thing I could take back in life, it’s last night. I never want to lose you, you know I love you. I’m just way too much of an idiot to realize how my life would be without you now, until last night.
Part of me is just laughing how this whole situation has happened over nothing and how stupid I am. But another part of me just wants to sit here and think about how fucking retarded I am for almost fucking up the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t even know what else to say right now, other than I’m sorry. But I don’t even know what I’m saying it for, nothing was done for me to do that to you. You have done nothing but love me and treat me the best way anyone ever could. I’m sorry for letting that happen, I’d never do anything to hurt you, that wasn’t supposed to happen. I’m still learning from this, I’m still trying to figure out how someone could love me like you do because I know I don’t deserve someone like you. I think I’m just still denying some of the love you give me because I don’t think I should have something so good. I promise there is nothing in me that ever wants to do that again. I know I’m rambling at this point, but I can’t get my thoughts into words and just want you know how sorry I am and how much I never want to lose you. We can do this baby, I know we can.
“Just think of the future,
And think of your dreams.
You’ll get away from here,
You’ll get away eventually.
So, just think of the future,
Think of a new life.
And don’t get lost in the memories,
Keep your eyes on a new prize.”